THE TESTIMONY OF ALAVI  :
This is my story. But it is not only my story. It is the story of
God's goodness to me: how He loved me and showed me His salvation. Let
me start at the beginning. MY CHILDHOOD back to Contents I was born on
Friday, July 15, 1951. My father was a Mullah (a Muslim religious
leader) in a small village of Cherukunnu in the South Indian state of
Kerala. Everyone in the village respected my family because we were
strictly religious. My father's special duty was to read from the
Qur'an in Arabic to our Muslim neighbours. Yet he did not forget to
teach his own children. I can still remember sitting on my father's
knee after evening prayers, hearing him recite the Qur'an and learning
from him. Every day began and ended with readings from the Qur'an and
prayers. This strict discipline affected our entire life at home. At
the age of five I went to the nearby Madrasa (Muslim religious school)
to learn Arabic, so that I could study the Qur'an. We also had
ordinary lessons when I was ten years old. I was sent to a regular
school at Kottakal not far from home, where I studied for a year and a
half. However, I could not finish my education there for reasons that
will become clear later on. AN EVENTFUL DAY back to Contents One
Saturday, the market day at Kottakkal, when I was going home from
school with my friends, we saw a large crowd in the market place. We
went over and found a group of Christians there. They were telling the
crowd about their faith - stories from the life of Jesus and selling
Christian booklets. At first we laughed at the Christians and made fun
of them. In spite of this, we bought two of the booklets. Mine was
called "The Heart of Pak" and my friend got one about "The Way of
Salvation." On the way home we talked about the booklets about
Christians. My friend tore his copy into pieces. I kept my booklet
although I despised Christians. When I reached home, I sat down in a
quiet place and started to read "The Heart of Pak." There was an
interesting conversation in the book between a Christian and a boy. As
I read, I wondered if the Jesus of this booklet was the same 'Isa whom
I knew about as a prophet. To my mind, the Jesus of this booklet was
different from the Jesus of the Qur'an. Now I read that this Jesus
could forgive sins. Yet his very forgiveness of Jesus had changed
(transformed) the boy, and it made me love Jesus. When I read this
boy's spiritual plight, I felt as though the Christian was speaking to
my heart also. In fact, I considered my heart to be in a worse
condition from the heart of this youth. How could I find freedom from
this spiritual disease? The booklet offered the cure. I rejected it
because I had been taught that God alone forgave sins - not Jesus, the
prophet. Nevertheless, I could not free myself from the strong
argument in the booklet. I became uncomfortably aware of my own
sinfulness. What would become of me when I died? I could not escape
death or the Day of Judgement. I made up my mind to find out more
about Jesus with the help of a correspondence course advertised in
this booklet. FURTHER STUDY back to Contents The correspondence course
centre promptly sent the course. Unfortunately, the postman delivered
it to my uncle to give to me. He opened it and discovered its
Christian contents. The next day he showed it to my father and my
uncles. They decided to end this study before it began! That same
evening when I came back from the school, my father tied me to a
pillar of our veranda and beat me with a stick until I felt weak. The
next morning he called me and spoke lovingly to me. He said, "We
Muslims should not read such books. They are forbidden, especially the
books of the Christians. Since their books are so attractive, we, too,
will become Christians if we read them. What will happen to our family
then? It will ruin our whole life. Our community will reject us, and
it will be curse on Islam." I promised my father that I would never
again read these books. I tore up the booklet and burnt it cursing
myself for failing to do what my friend had done earlier with his
book. From that time on, I became a devout Muslim reciting daily
prayers. Yet as the days went by, I lacked peace of mind whenever I
remembered the booklet and thought about the condition of my heart.
How could I forget the name "Jesus" when I repeated it every evening
in my recitation of the Qur'an! So I decided to make a study of Jesus
in the Qur'an and in other Muslim books. I did not know much Arabic,
but I persevered in my study with the help of a friend - Yusuf
Mawlawi. He was a Muslim teacher in an Arabic school near our house
and a close friend of our family. I found that 'Isa has a very
important place both in the Qur'an and in the Hadith or Muslim
tradition. In the Qur'an it seemed to me, 'Isa was even more important
than my prophet Muhammad. Soon both the teacher and my family became
suspicious about my desire to learn more about 'Isa. They gently
suggested that I concentrate more on Muhammad. Still I continued to
wonder about those Qur'anic passages which referred to Jesus, to His
unique birth, and to His marvellous deeds. "(And remember) when the
angels said: O Mary! Lo! Allah giveth thee glad tidings of a word from
Him, whose name is the Messiah, Jesus, son of Mary, illustrious in the
world and the Hereafter, and one of those brought near (unto Allah).
He will speak unto mankind in his cradle and in his manhood, and he is
of the righteousness. She said: My Lord! How can I have a child when
no mortal hath touched me? He said: So (it will be). Allah createth
what He will. If He decreeth a thing, He saith unto it only: Be! and
it is. And He will teach him the Scripture and wisdom, and the Torah
and the Gospel. And will make him a messenger unto the Children of
Israel, (saying): Lo! I come unto you with a sign from your Lord. Lo!
I fashion for you out of clay the likeness of a bird, and I breathe
into it and it is a bird, by Allah's leave. I heal him who was born
blind, and the leper, and I raise the dead, by Allah's leave. And I
announce unto you what ye eat and what ye store up in your houses. Lo!
herein verily is a portent for you, if ye are to be believers. And (I
come) confirming that which was before me of the Torah, and to make
lawful some of that which was forbidden unto you. I come unto you with
a sign from your Lord, so keep your duty to Allah and obey me." (Sura
Al Imran 3:45-50) I noticed also that the Qur'an refers especially to
the Torah and the Gospel, exhorting me to believe in them because they
are "guidance and light" (Sura al-Ma'ida 5:46). Another verse in
particular came to my mind often: "And if thou art in doubt (Muhammad)
concerning that which We reveal unto thee, then question those who
read the Scripture before thee..." (Sura Yunis 10:94) When I read this
verse, I remembered the Christians and their booklet. According to
Islam, Christians also are ahl ul-kitab (the People of the Book). If
the Qur'an encouraged Muhammad to share his doubts with Christians,
then why not me? Yet it was difficult for me to approach Christians. I
had so little contact with them. Besides, my family would hardly
approve! Not far from my home there is a Christian Mission Hospital.
One day a friend, Abdulla, and I decided to go there secretly. When we
arrived the hospital pharmacist, Mr Kunykunyu, kindly directed us to
the missionary. We were young and nervous and did not know what to
expect. But the missionary greeted us in a friendly way and made us
feel at ease. After some discussion the missionary suggested that we
attend Sunday School classes and directed us to the Christian reading
room. There we met the reading-room worker. Later he became my very
close friend and a true brother who helped me in many troubles. He
enrolled me in a correspondence course based on the Gospel according
to John. Both Abdulla and I attended Sunday School for several weeks
without the knowledge of our parents. Sometimes my friend kindly gave
us bus fare; sometimes we walked the five mile distance. On one
occasion some of our neighbours caught us. They questioned Abdulla and
beat him until he finally revealed our secret activity. Next evening,
when I returned from school, I saw my mother and younger sister
crying. They knew what my father had already prepared for me. As I
entered the house, my father suddenly appeared, shouting. He caught
me, tied me up, put me against a wall, beat me and rubbed ground,
green chilli on my face and in my eyes - all the while asking me why I
read Christian books and associated with Christians. My mother
fainted. After some time, with the help of a neighbour woman and my
sister-in-law, I was taken to a water tank and washed. The following
morning my father called and asked me to repeat the Muslim creed:
"There is no god but Allah and Muhammad is the prophet of Allah." He
led me through the recitation. Then he warned me about Christianity,
its false teaching about Jesus Christ, the corruption of the holy
Injil and the bad lives of Christians. He asked my sister-in-law to
burn my Christian books which she did. All this affected me greatly,
and I cried bitterly. I had no peace of mind, for my opportunity to
learn more about Jesus from the Gospel and from Christian friends had
been frustrated. When I went to the place where I burnt "The Heart of
Pak," I sorely regretted the destruction of the booklet. As I recalled
the conversation of this booklet, the same tension once more
confronted me: the boy's joyful experience of forgiveness and the
heavy burden of sin which lay on my own heart. As a Muslim, I had
learned that we ourselves are responsible for our sins; no one else
can bear another's burden (Sura al-An`am 6:165). Then how, could Jesus
forgive anyone? Nevertheless, I prayed to God for further guidance. An
awareness of my own sin never left me. It gnawed at my heart
continually. After two weeks, I felt again a strong desire to see my
Christian friends. I had to share my difficulties and doubts. The
missionary encouraged me and answered my questions about Christian
beliefs and practices. Most of his answers satisfied me because he
also knew the Qur'an and Muslim faith. I returned home with a copy of
the whole Gospel which my friend had given to me. Although I was very
glad to have it, I was afraid that someone at home might see it. So I
put the Gospel in a plastic bag and hid it under a stone in the
forest. I often went to the forest to read it, especially St John's
Gospel. One verse, the words of Jesus, gave me some consolation: "Do
not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me." John
14:1 The words "believe also in me" impressed me greatly at that time.
Although I was anxious and troubled, this verse comforted me. The next
Sunday, while on my way to Sunday School, I noticed my uncle on the
same bus. I trembled at the thought of what my father would do to me
after my uncle reported to him. In spite of this, I attended Sunday
School and spent some time with the missionary. Before I met my new
Christian friends, I had strong feelings against Christians because I
heard such bad reports about them. Yet when I observed the
missionary's character, his way of life, and his attitude toward
Muslims, I knew that the accusations I had heard against Christians
certainly did not apply to him. This made me think. Was his love
greater than that of the Muslims? Had the Messiah Jesus done more for
him than my prophet had done for me? I was confused for I held the
opinion that apart from Muslims, anyone else, including the Christians
who believe that God is the Messiah, is an unbeliever ( Kafir ) and is
rejected by God. As the Qur'an says: They surely disbelieve who say:
Lo! Allah is the third of three; when there is no God save the One
God. If they desist not from so saying a painful doom will fall on
those of them who disbelieve. (Sura al-Ma'ida 5:72,73) I remembered
also how I thought that because I was a Muslim who had submitted
myself to God, I was holier than Christians. But as I became more
aware of my own sinfulness, I realised that the missionary was the one
who had submitted himself to God, for his character proved it. I could
tell that his love came from Jesus Christ, as "The Heart of Pak" had
described it. Like a magnet the love of Jesus attracted me. I thought
that if Jesus were my master too, how I would love him! Yet, when the
idea of becoming a Christian crossed my mind, I rejected it as an evil
thought from Satan - for I was a Muslim. I returned from Sunday School
in great fear. I was ready to accept whatever my father did to me, but
for two days nothing happened. On the third day, after school my
father caught me and threw me into a bush. Then he seized a stick and
beat me so severely that I almost died. My mother ran to rescue me,
but she was beaten also. It was only by the grace of God that I
recovered. Again I confessed the Muslim creed and promised my father
that I would have no more contact with Christians. Was my confession
only an escape from further beating? My friend Abdullah had spread
this news throughout the district, and my life became very difficult.
People jeered at me, called me names, and even threw stones at me. On
the way home from school they called out, "There goes the cursed one!"
and "Here comes Mathai, the Nasrani (Christian)!" Even my relatives,
friends, and teachers were cruel to me. I was confused, weary, lonely,
and troubled. During this period the Holy Gospel was my only constant
companion. Every time I had an opportunity, I went to the forest to
read and study it. Again the old tension arose in my heart as I read
the Gospel in secret. On essential points it clearly differed from my
own Islamic beliefs. How puzzling for a Muslim and yet how thought-
provoking were the following words of Jesus! "I am the way, the truth
and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me."John 14:6
"Now this is eternal life: that they may know You, the only true God,
and Jesus Christ, whom You have sent." John 17:3 "Yet to all who
received Him, to all those who believed in His name, He gave the right
to become children of God." John 1:12 "If anyone loves Me, he will
obey My teaching. My Father will love him, and We will come to him and
make our home with him." John 14:23 I had no one who could explain the
meaning of these verses to me. Yet I continued to ask God for
guidance. CHAINED BY LOVE back to Contents
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